


Spare Me Your Judgment

by BloodRaven1996



Category: HTTYD
Genre: Other, Self Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 03:34:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7741813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodRaven1996/pseuds/BloodRaven1996
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Warning this story contains SELF HARM, SUICIDE ATTEMPT. HiccupXStoick Father Son Fluff. You know when your own father talks behind your back and tells someone that he thinks you are weak and reckless? Well now Hiccup is taking his recklessness on a new level. Taking on Alvin the Treacherous on his own and the outcast. Crappy Summary of a One shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

Spare Me Your Judgement

I Own Nothing

All my life I have been a nobody, no one has ever shown me the gift of kindness. I missed having my old life where everything was great, back then I had friends that didn't judge me, Nobody gave me the warning that people could be so judgmental as you grew older.

All the people I use to be friends with, just abandoned me as we got older. They gave me one look and just left me alone to my own demons.

Depression and sadness were my only company now. I was consumed in my own bitter darkness, I was stuck in a nightmare and I can't wake up from it at all, no matter how many times I say it's gonna get better, it just won't. Yeah I saved my entire tribe from the Red Death, but that doesn't mean the wounds haven't healed. I thought bring dragons and humans together would help things and it did, just not for me.

I didn't feel any different, I felt the same, Hell I feel even worse.

Even with Toothless by my side, nothing didn't help me anymore, we had our good times together as friends, but if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't had lost his tale fin, he could have been free and not stuck with a useless person like me, I'm a burden to him.

Just like my father, Almost my entire life I tried so hard to be like him.

Brave

Selfless

Mighty

Smart

I'm none of those things, I'm just stupid. Plain and simple. My own father disowned me yesterday and now he's acting like nothing had ever happened, all because I killed the Red death and brought dragons and vikings together. I lost my own leg fixing his damn mistakes, not mine his. And all the villagers are acting as if they haven't done anything wrong either as if we have all been friends or something.

But then I thought about it for a while and I deserved it. I brought all of this on to myself.

I rolled up my sleeve, looking at my scars, some were new, some were old and the rest I can't even remember. I started cutting when I was eleven, depression struck me when I was nine.

The bullying started when I was eight, my cousin Snotlout would tease me. Beat me to a pulp, I wouldn't be able to walk for a week, I was covered in bruises and cuts, my father wouldn't notice. But Gobber would, but I would just brush him off, telling him I would fine.

Gobber was the only person to give a damn about me, or so I thought. I was a burden to him to, my dad just dropped me off to him and pretty much said "Here take this little mistake of mine." I shudder as I remember the first time I cut myself was at the forge, Gobber had gone out that day, told me to watch the forge. I accidentally let a sword slip between my hands, slicing my hand open releasing the crimson liquid. It didn't hurt that much, it felt good really good.

Ever since I have been hurting myself, just to feel relief.

The only things that got my mind off that was training the dragons and new riders, but sometimes that wasn't even enough. I would sneak away from everyone and slice my own wrist open and just come back with a fake smile on my face. training the people I despise the most, faking to be my friends. They were just doing it so they could try to feel good about themselves.

I showed them how to train dragons, but that doesn't mean I like being around me.

I sighed, looking around my dark room as Toothless was sleeping in the corner of my room. He looked so carefree while he slept, I wish I could just let all of this go, but all of these feeling I bottle up inside all the time. The only release I get is when I hurt myself or some kind of pain that would get my mind of the emotions.

I got out of bed, opening my curtains as I looked outside, the sun was shining bright as the terrible terrors signed in a soft melody.

My dad was already up, doing chiefly duties like always, never paying any attention to me whatsoever, face it I'm a mistake ti him and I always will be, I'm never going to be the perfect heir to him and this tribe. I hated when all eyes would be on me, people telling me I'm so wonderful, so skilled at taming dragons.

I never saw it as a skill, It just happened.

No body knows about my cutting, or my thoughts of suicide, and it's going to stay that way until I die. I don't think I'll live past thirty or twenty, I just can't see myself living that long. I'll either get myself killed in an accident or suicide. No one will notice me after I died.

My father really hasn't been paying that much of attention to me lately, he said he's been busy with stuff, stuff that doesn't concern me he said. Well what could it be you ask?

_FlashBack to yesterday._

_I walking to the great hall after one of my flights with Toothless, I was looking for my dad so I could ask him something. I couldn't even remember what I wanted to aske him in the first place, it wasn't too long ago either._

_I peaked through the hall door, seeing Gobber and my father, Stoick the vast._

_They were both talking about something, I turned an ear and listened._

_"You need to tell him Stoick." Gobber said coldly._

_"I can't Gobber, you know how Hiccup is, he'll just run off and go find him." My father said._

_Him? Who is him? I said to myself._

_"Alvin and his men are looking for Hiccup, we need to hide him before a war breaks out!" Gobber tried convincing my dad._

_"And you think locking him up will do any good?, remember how wonderful that worked out last time?" Hmp he actually remembered the last time I escaped and ran away from home."Plus he can't fight, he's too weak!" Of course my dad had to point more of my flaws out because I wasn't the perfect son._

_"Well what do you suppose we do then?" The blacksmith arched a brow._

_"I don't know, I just don't trust Hiccup and his intentions, I almost lost him once..." he trailed off, referring red death that me and Toothless battled and killed."He can't do that again, he can not take on Alvin and the Outcast on his own."_

_I listened and listened, my dad was saying I was weak, that I couldn't take Alvin the Treacherous down on my own. It made me feel worse, I can do this, I'll show my father and everyone else on this rock, that I can take out Alvin and the Outcast. My father use to tell me stories about him when I was little, back then when he still loved me...I think._

_"You might be right Stoick, but you can completely doubt the lad, he's taken down the Red Death with his Night fury, He's not as weak as you say he is, but..." he scratched the back of his head a little, kinda looking down a little."'I'm a little concerned about him though, he seems a little depressed?"_

_"Oh he'll be fine, he's a teenager, what ever he's upset about he'll get over it." He brushed him off._

_I couldn't take it anymore I left them back at the hall before them or anyone could see me. I could feel the comments my dad say hit me in the heart, causing tears to roll down my face as I entered the house. I ran straight up to my room, leaving Toothless down stairs._

_I pulled out one of my knives I hid in my dresser and pulled up my sleeve._

_End of Flashback_

I opened my eyes, looking at the wounds I made last night.

I then looked over at Toothless, he gave me his goofy smile with his gums, I patted him on the head. I was going to miss him so much when I die.

"Hey bud, were gonna go on a little trip to some where okay?" I whispered as he gave me a slobbery kiss to the face, I laughed a little bit, that was going to be the last lick he was going to give me.

I wasn't hungry so I walked right out of the house with Toothless by my side, I got on to the saddle, hooking my new leg on to the clip so it locked on. People were looking at me, waving and saying hello. I wish I could say "Bye thanks for nothing." I notice Astrid with Storm fly and everyone else with their dragons, looking happy as if they had done nothing wrong to me. This was the last time I'll see anyone alive.

We instantly took off into the sky, the sau was shining bright as the clouds were white and puffy. I ran my fingers through them, feeling them once more. I was going to feel them in Valhalla, where my mother was now. I would be in her warm arms again, I won't have to put up with my dad who doesn't love me anymore. I wasn't planning on going home any time soon. I wasn't wearing any armor, I only carried my knife and cross bow.

I explained half of the plan to Toothless. The only thing I left was the death part, and how was going to happen, by mostly Alvin's hand, but yet part of it was going to be mine.

I wasn't running away, I knew where I was going. I had the entire plan figured out in my head, what was going to happen and how it was all going to turn out in the bitter end.

Outcast Island, I found a map of it in my dads room, I pretty much stole it. Oh well my dad wasn't going to need it anymore, not when I'm done. I was going to take out Alvin, I was going to get rid of two problems for him. It would be like killing two birds with one stone.

Alvin and I would both die.

The island came to my view soon enough, I told Toothless to land near by, so we could take them by surprise.

I could hear Alvin, the chief of the Outcast talking to his men. Most of them had already been shipped off, to some other places, not to Berk but other areas that I haven's heard from.

"Tomorrow we will attack Berk and claim there dragon tamer." He sneered darkly."We will take him and make him train our dragons!" The men cheered at his words, those would be his last.

I held my crossbow in hand, ready to strike, Toothless let out a growl. I hushed him to stop before he could blow our cover, the I shot up, aiming my bow towards the large dark hair man, I pulled the trigger, hitting him in the shoulder.

"Ack!" He screamed."What is the meaning of this!?" He looked up and saw me and Toothless, his shoulder was turning blood red. His men ran right towards us, Toothless sprang right in front of me as I headed towards Alvin, I could hear Toothless setting the men up in flames before they could strike him.

The whole place was going up in smoke.

"So this is the Dragon Tamer?" He chuckled darkly."What do you think your doing little one?"

"I'm here to take you and the Outcast down." I said with a grudge.

He laughed, his voice almost booming as he looked at me."You're Stoick's son aren't you? My my you're much tinier than I thought!" he mocked, as he pulled out his sword looking at me with eyes full of rage."Now it's time to show you so respect."

I held my ground, clutching my cross bow in hand.

He lunged first as I ducked under his large build arms, managing to move away. He turned around and swung at me once again, this time my threw my bow against his sword. Clashing it together over and over. He yelled in annoyance as we clashed a few more times, he managed to pick me up but the shirt, but I some how kicked him square in the face. But in return I got stabbed in the shoulder, it didn't hurt. All that I had was pure adrenaline pumping me up.

I threw myself on to him, hitting him with the bow, trying to get an angle on him. He picked me up and threw me onn to the ground, he cracked his knuckles as he picked me up by the collar, getting ready to stab me. I reached in my pocket and pulled my small dagger out, stabbing him in the neck, he dropped me and yelled.

I fell to the ground, putting the knife away as I aimed. I was slow to get up from the throw, but as soon as I getting ready to aim again, he grabbed me by my arm as our eyes locked. Blood was spilling out from his neck and shoulder. I pushed my finger in his neck, he screamed as he dropped me once more.

Then we separated as I pulled my arrow to his face. But is was cut short when I felt a sudden pain in my side. Feeling a lot of pressure down in my side. Toothless cried out as he saw me. I wanted this to happen, I need to get wounded so I can die.

"Gotcha." Alvin said darkly, I looked down and saw the end of the sword in my lower left hip. He pulled it out slowly as I cried out in pain, I fell to the ground, looking up at him.

"Now it's time to-" he was cut off as a ball of fire hit him from behind.

Toothless had release a small plasma blast, enough to know Alvin attention off me for a split second. I pulled my knife out as I got and struck him in the heart. He gasped at this sudden turn, locking his dark eyes with mine as I watched him tumble to the ground, blood coming from his mouth. I knew Toothless would give Alvin the distraction I needed, he was always good for that.

I breathed heavily, I wanted to feel relief. I did it, I finally took out one of my dads enemies once and for all, now he can be happy.

"I got you now." I whispered as watched him takes his very last breaths. I was sitting on his large chest, feeling the air escape him. After a few short minutes, his eyes rolled to the back of his head as he stopped breathing. Most of the warriors were dead, some had retreated to the boats, Toothless had finished off most of them by now as I delivered the killing blow.

I slowly fell off him, feeling the adrenaline escaping me. I laid on the cold hard ground as the sky started to turn grey all around, rain started to fall on me. I looked down and saw my entire lower half covered in pure red blood. The thick copper, irony smell filled me up. Making me feel sick to my stomach, I could feel the vomit reaching to the top of my throat.

Toothless ran over to me, sadness was written all over his face. He was licking my hand, telling me to get up. But I couldn't I was far to weak to get up from the gashes on my shoulder and abdomen. Everything was starting to go blurry, I could fee vomit starting to pile up in my throat. Toothless was still freaking out as he looked at my wounds, I slowly reached my hand over to him, hushing him.

"I'll be okay bud...I'll be..." I trailed off, as my vision started to go black and white. The rain started to hit my cut up flesh, it sting a little, but I was already going into deep shock. I could feel what I thought was vomit coming out of my mouth, I leaned over to the side and vomited blood.

Some of it dribbled from my mouth, I could taste the copper.

So this what dying feels like, this is what I have been waiting for so long.

Then I heard a scream.

It wasn't a cry of a warrior or a mad man.

I turned my head and looked over and saw a blurry large figure coming towards me, They kept yelling at me. I could barely talk, let alone see from a far.

"HICCUP!" I know that voice, It was my father, he was screaming my name over and over as he came closer to me.

At this point , I could barely make out a word he was saying.

"Hiccup stay with me son." His voice cracked as I the world around me started going black."Try to stay awake."

I couldn't stay awake, I could feel my eyes roll to the back of my head as I listen to him scream my name, the last thing I remember was him picking me up in his arms, feeling the sudden rush of heat hitting my body. I couldn't fee anything, my body felt completely numbed.

**A Few Hours Later...**

My entire body ached, I could feel my arms again as I tried to moved them up, they were bandaged up. I opened my eyes as I looked around my room, was filled with gifts and other things I didn't expect to see. What is going on? How did I even get back home? The last thing I remember was my dad finding me and holding me while I was bleeding out.

I couldn't feel my shoulder, the only thing I could feel was my abdomen, it hurt like pure hell as if I just got my inside all torn out. I tried to sit up, but as soon as I did I wince in pain, letting out a moan. Gods what has happen? I remember when Alvin thrust his sword and see nothing but blood.

How did I even survive?

I can't do anything right! I couldn't eve properly die? How is that even possible? I bleed out in front of Toothless and my dad, I remember everything went black, I thought I finally dead.

Then I heard my door open, I wanted to sit up, but I couldn't.

My father saw me, his eye widen as he rushed over to me, his face was all red and puff. Was he really crying? For what? I'm alive sadly. I thought he would be happy that I almost died or well disappointed in this case.

"D..dad." I choked out as he hushed me.

"Shhh I'm here son...I'm right here." He said weakly, running his fingers through my hair as I looked at his red puffy eyes. He looked like he had been crying for hours, days even.

He say on the edge of my bed for a few moments, then he cleared his throat and spoke.

"What the hell were you thinking?" He said angry but not loud.

I said nothing.

"Hiccup what were you doing!?, Why in the world would you go to outcast island?" He said a bit louder.

Silence.

He sighed, "Just say something please?" He said sadly."Just tell me why you decided to be so reckless?"

I then, spoke up."Because you don't want me." I said quietly as his expression softened." I overheard you and Gobber talking about me...saying I was too weak and not strong enough...to take on Alvin." I said bitterly."But now... he's dead...I took care of him so you don't have to worry about me or him okay?" I said darkly to him turning my head to the other side.

"Hiccup..." He trailed off.

"Everyday because of you and everyone else I wanted to die, no one cares about me, no one would miss me if I have died, and ever since I defeated the Red Death everyone is acting as if they liked me forever."

My father looked so taken back."Hiccup...oh gods." He covered his face with his hands."What have I done to you?"

I shook my head, I was angry with him.

"I'm sorry Hiccup, I'm so sorry."

Then another few seconds went by of silence, I slowly turned away from him. I winced again at the pain. I knew one day I would go as far to get myself killed, after all the years of being pushed away from him and everyone else. Everyone has been nothing but cruel to me, now there just acting all fake and nice to me, all because I got rid of a problem that they couldn't solve.

"Get out." I said with acid in my voice.

"What?" My dad asked like an idiot.

"GET OUT!" I yelled as the pain rushed almost everywhere.

My dad stood up."I'm not leaving you son, not until I make you feel loved again." he said getting closer to me.

"You never loved me and YOU know it!" I screamed as I clutched my stomach."Damn it!." I said weakly holding my frail wounds and chest.

"Easy Hiccup, easy." He sat next to me, scooping me up in his arms.

"Get off me." I said even more pissed off trying to push him off, but it was to late.

He gently wrapped his huge arms around me, as he ran his fingers through my hair as he sang me a old lullaby, I kept yelling at him to let me go until I was out of breath as he smothered me gently. I started crying loudly to a point I was sobbing, they soon died down slowly as my father rocked me like a baby. Telling me he was sorry, kissing my forehead and coddling me like a small child.

Tears were running down my face, my father started wiping my own tears with his thumb. I was shaking as he kept coddling me like some kind of infant. It felt weird at first, but after almost an hour I settled down, I let most of my anger out on my father, he knew what kind of pain he caused me over the years.

"I'm so sorry dad, I didn't...know what I was doing...I just-" He hushed me as caressed my cheek.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He said softly."It's my fault son, I shouldn't have said those things." I could feel the guilt in his voice.

The I knew I was not alone, my father admitted to his mistakes as I did to mine. I knew he loved me no matter what, I just wish people would stop lying to me, stop being fake.

I fell asleep in my dads arms, feeling a new emotions flooding me in.

I was loved no matter what.


	2. Chapter Two

Spare Me Your Judgement

Chapter Two

I Own Nothing

**Stoick's P.O.V**

I held my son in my arms as he released his last breaths. I ran my fingers through his hair, his face was still pale from the large amount of blood lose. His green eyes were red and puffy from all the screaming and crying. I wasn't going to let him go, not for a long time.

What have I done to my baby?

My mind kept replaying when I found him, he was laying on the ground as blood was pouring out of him like a river. Tears were rolling down my eyes as I looked down at him, I thought he was dead when I got to him, I thought he had bleed out, I kept yelling at him to wake up, then I saw his eyes roll to the back his head. I saw his wrist, they were all cut up and scarred up.

My heart dropped, I thought he was dead, then I placed my head on his chest. I heard a heartbeat, I could jumped for joy right then and there.

Getting him back to Berk wasn't easy, I had ride on Toothless while SkullCrusher had to ride without me, but that wasn't the hard part, the hard part was trying to keep Hiccup awake, I couldn't let him go into shock. I kept talking to him, telling to hold on.

Odin that had to be one of the worse things I had ever gone through. I thought him killing the Red Death was bad, but this...just took it to a new level. My own son, tried taking on Alvin the Treacherous and he some how by the gods succeeded, him and almost all of the outcast are dead.

My little boy had taken out one of my enemies on his own, why? because he didn't feel loved or respected by me or by the others. I overheard me and Gobber talking about him, calling him weak and defenceless, I regret every word I said. Nothing but guilt is consuming me now, for the last fifteen years I haven't been a father to Hiccup, all I have been is a horrible father. Hiccup would cause himself pain so he could escape from his troubles, so he didn't have to feel shame or pain from me.

I was never home, I was always busy with the village. I never put my son first when I should have, but I was too blind to see that. There were times where I started to forget I even had a son, was so caught up in my own things, I just started to forget who I was.

I looked down at my little boy, he was so small so frail. I did this to him, I broke him down and pushed him away. He wanted to die because of me and everyone else that has pushed him away, all the years of neglect and abuse have come back to haunt me. He felt so alone and unloved that he wanted to die.

Then I heard the door open. It was Gobber.

"How is he?" He asked.

I sighed shaking my head at him, trying to hold back my emotions.

"That bad huh?"

"You have no idea, Gobber." I said softly as looked down at Hiccup, he was fast asleep.

Gobber sat on the edge of his bed looking at him."Poor lad has been through a lot." Looking at him with worried eyes."I can't believe he did that." referring to what had happened earlier with Alvin.

"This is all my fault." I whispered, while I ran my fingers through Hiccup's soft brown hair, causing him to stir in his sleep.

"No it isn't."

"YES...it is." I said sternly at him."I did this to him."

Gobber looked at me sadly."Stoick..." he trailed off.

"He over heard us at the Mead Hall," I said gravely."He overheard us talking about him, Hiccup was planning to take out Alvin on his own." Guilt was taking over my voice with each word I said made me want to scream."He knew what he was doing Gobber...he went on and killed him and tried killing himself." I could feel the tears coming from the corner of my eyes.

"I tried to be a good father and I failed." I choked out.

"You didn't fail him Stoick." he sighed." A lot of things have been happening lately, you were just trying your best." He said trying to comfort me the best way he could, but it wasn't working one bit. Just because I was trying to protect Hiccup, doesn't mean I wasn't being a good parent. For god's sake I drove my own baby to suicide...Suicide! What kind of a parent does that!

What would Val say? she would be ashamed of me if she could see us now. Valka is looking down at me full of nothing but anger and shame, I wouldn't blame her one bit for being angry at me. I felt so sick to my stomach right now.

"That still isn't an excuse." I glared at him while clutching Hiccup in my arms, then he stirred a bit more, I hushed him softly to got to sleep. Watching Hiccup suffering from the pain made me want it to take it all away. But I couldn't, if I could I would, gods why was this happening?

We both waited in silence until Gobber cleared his throat." I better go." He got up."Let me know when he wakes up, ya?" I nodded as he left the house.

I sighed, resting my large hand on Hiccups frail cheek. He's been asleep for almost an hour now, he's going to need all the sleep he can get.

**Hiccup's P.O.V**

I had been asleep for hours, my mind had drifted in my fathers arms after my yelling match with him. He grabbed me and cuddle me in his arms, he was angry with me he just wanted me to be safe and loved. But of course I had to be the stubborn one here and scream at him.

My started to open slowly, I looked around. I was down stairs right next to the fire place, I guess my dad moved me so I get warm, I wasn't in his arms no more, just wrapped up in a few fur blankets. Toothless was fast asleep already in the corner. I propped myself up, sitting up all the way, I searched the room for my dad but he was no where to be seen.

I laid back down because of my wounds, they were still throbbing with pain.

I ran my hand over my sighed, my mind kept replaying the scene from outcast island, Toothless setting the entire place up in smoke, me killing Alvin so I could feel redemption for myself. I wanted to make my father proud of me, but all I did was make things worse for him, all I am is a burden to my father. I didn't want to be a problem for him, I was already a problem from the start and always will be.

All I wanted from him, was love and to be loved. But I won't get it from him.

My father pities me for my weakness, he held me in his arms as I wept for his forgivness. He must think I am pathetic, that I'm nothing but a runt to him.

Then I heard something I looked up and saw my father.

He knelt down next to me, slowly picking me up in his arms, I snuggled right next to his shoulder, resting my head on him.'How are you?" He asked with worried eyes.

"I'm okay." I whispered.

"You sure?" He asked again.

I winced again at the stab wound on my hip and shoulder, it would hurt like hell to move at times.

"Easy son, easy." He said softly as he arched me lower on his lap.

W both sat there in silence for a few moments, until I looked up at him with my green eyes.

"I'm so sorry." I choked out to him, trying so hard to hold back the tears from him, but I failed as they flooded from my eyes like a river.

"Hiccup shhh." he hushed me by wiping my tears away." I already told you, you have nothing to be sorry for." He cuddle me closely."This is my fault Hiccup, if you want to blame someone, then please...just blame me."

I shook my head."Dad...I-" He cut me off.

"No Hiccup." He said sternly to me."I'm the reason your like this, and I'm going to do everything in my power to help you, okay?"

I nodded.

"Everything is going to be alright." He said as a tear slipped from his eye."I'm here now." He pressed me against his large chest.

"I love you Hiccup."

"I love you too dad." I whispered.


End file.
